How to deal with someone with anger issues in a relationship

Constructively responding to your partner’s anger can be a challenging task in even the most loving and secure relationships. It is a moment when emotions run high and you might find it difficult enough to reign in your own emotions—yet alone help to diffuse your partner’s anger.

A key fact to be mindful to when your partner is angry, is that anger arises from a perceived threat—perhaps to his emotional or physical well-being; to his resources—including his time, finances, space and possessions; and to his loved ones.

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So, whether real or not, such threats may undermine your partner’s experience of safety. And whether or not you believe the threat to be real or not is irrelevant to helping him diffuse his anger.

Consequently, the overriding task to help defuse your partner’s anger is to engage in behaviors, verbal and non-verbal, that help him experience an increased sense of safety.

When doing so, your challenge is to increase his being fully present with you in discussion rather than being overwhelmingly absorbed by his inner landscape—thoughts, feelings and body sensations tha

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